RAW Ramblings – July 4th 2016
Nationwide Arena: Columbus, OH
On July 4th 1776, thirteen colonies declared their independence from the British Empire and 240 years later we were subjected to one of the most insignificant and worthless professional wrestling television shows in history. Thank you very much Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, Sherman & Livingston. The only thing of any note on RAW this week was the announcement of Enzo Amore & Big Cass being moved up to team with John Cena against the Club at BattleGround. The fact that they are doing a six-man at the next PPV would suggest that the Cena/Styles rematch is set for SummerSlam, which is actually some relatively smart booking for once from this company.
Cena was out at the top of the third hour, I guess to try and prevent a complete ratings capitulation, and he called out the Club. Styles, Anderson & Gallows showed up on the stage and they cut a promo about how beating up John Cena was their favourite thing to do on the holidays. The Club eventually surrounded Cena in the ring, when Enzo & Cass made the save and they cleaned house with Cena to stand tall. It was an interesting move, as based on recent TV the Usos would have been the most obvious choice to team with Cena against the Club. The problem with the Usos is that due to their association with Roman Reigns they have started to receive some backlash from the fans and it would have been a tough sell for people to cheer Cena & the Usos over the Club. At least now Cena’s partners are actually over as babyfaces and there should be enough experienced workers to help Enzo & Cass through their first real big time match. Earlier on the show, Enzo & Cass squashed the Social Outcasts (Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel) in 2:05 with the Rocket Launcher. The Outcasts were dressed as Minutemen or something and Enzo did a promo beforehand where he rattled off every single US president in order.
Main event was a 16-man elimination tag, which I’m sure had nothing to do with the CMLL 16-man tag match only three days prior, with Team USA vs. The Multi-National Alliance. The State of Team USA, my god: Big Show, Apollo Crews, Zack Ryder, The Dudley Boyz, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger & Kane beat Chris Jericho, Cesaro, Alberto Del Rio, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Sheamus & The Lucha Dragons in 22:15. Match was booked hilariously poorly, with Kevin Owens getting DQ’d for hitting his own partner, Sami Zayn, with a chair. Kane then hit Owens with the chair and was DQ’d too then he Chokeslammed Zayn and Apollo pinned Sami. It came down to Big Show & Ryder vs. Sheamus and the finish saw Ryder get the win with the Ruff Ryder. Best spot of the match was Mark Henry going up for Kevin Owen’s Pop-up Powerbomb.
They did some basic stuff with the WWE Championship program. Dean Ambrose beat the Miz in a nothing Champion vs. Champion match in 9:50 with the Dirty Deeds DDT. Ambrose went to leave, but Seth Rollins came out for his match and Ambrose decided to join the announcers on commentary. Rollins beat Dolph Ziggler with the Pedigree in a decent 11:05 match. Afterwards, Rollins stood on the announce table and gloated about his win; he also said Roman Reigns should not be in the BattleGround three-way again. Ambrose ended up hitting the Dirty Deeds on the table and stood tall with the belt.
A Wyatt Family promo aired and they invited the New Day to come to their compound. Later on, New Day came out and Big E & Kofi made incest jokes about the Wyatts. The Wyatts appeared on the screen and talked about positivity vs. fear. Xavier Woods ended up walking out on Big E & Kofi because they didn’t understand how serious the situation was and he said that the New Day might not be able to survive. JBL used the offensive “Owen Hart voice” when Xavier walked out, which made the whole segment a failure.
Leftovers: Show opened with a five minute food-fight in the back. Everyone on the roster was involved, except the real main eventers like Cena, the Club, Ambrose & Rollins of course. Heath Slater got choke slammed through a table by Kane & Big Show. Kevin Owens hid under a table and thought he got away with not getting involved, however a mystery assailant hit him in the face with a pie; we never found out who threw the pie either. Rusev retained the US title over Titus O’Neil clean with the Accolade in the opener in 5:40; Titus came out dressed like Uncle Sam and was destroyed once again. Charlotte & Dana Brooke were out and Charlotte cut a promo on Sasha Banks; Sasha showed up and she cut a promo of her own which led to a brawl and Sasha hitting the Banks Statement on Charlotte, but Dana pulled her out of the ring. Both women’s promos were not good and the brawl was even worse. Vickie Guerrero was our returning GM this week and she came out on the stage to audition for the role of SmackDown GM. She did her “Excuse me” line and shrieked on for a while. Security eventually showed up and carter her away. In the back, Vickie pleaded with Dolph Ziggler for help but Dolph said he didn’t know her and security took her away. Dolph was on the phone and noted to whoever he was talking to that he “lost again,” but added that he, “tried hard.” Goldust & R-Truth downed the Vaudevillains in 1:25; Breezeango were watching at ringside. Becky Lynch beat Summer Rae in 2:55 with the Disarmer. Shane & Stephanie McMahon were nowhere to be seen on the show, presumably so they can pull the old Hogan trick of showing up next week when the ratings are back to normal.